It is un-Nigerian to decide not to marry and a sign of spiritual bondage if you are ‘ripe’ yet unplucked. The Nigerian God is, of course, a happily married man. Aside from money and enemies, marriage is the thing he speaks the most about. His everlasting worry is that the abundance of good husbands among his sons labour under the burden of finding submissive wives. Poor Nigerian women. They are so easily lost because they do foolish things like think and question rather than allow themselves to be led. Do they not know that love is as temperamental as a candle’s flame, and the breath you release when speaking up snuffs it?  

This is why, through the mouths of his married (of course) ministers, the Nigerian God spent 2024 making very important exhortations to deliver women from themselves. He advises married women the most because they must not lose their crowns (husbands) to follies like considering divorce due to infidelity. What nonsense! Everyone knows that Nigerian men are naturally polygamous, but they possess monogamous hearts deeply devoted to their wives. So, considering divorce indicates a lack of wisdom and discernment. If there must be a solution, Paster Idowu has advised women not to label their husbands ‘serial cheats’ but to call the holiness out of them by saying something like, ‘Honey, I am very upset with you but you are a man of holiness.’ Anything else will make the cheating worse since the man ‘can’t help himself.’  

Nevertheless, one must not equate the power to call the holiness out of men with the freedom to speak on important matters. Evangelist Benita Okeke has recently reminded women that they have no business speaking when their husbands are present because this dishonours the order instituted by the Nigerian God and causes problems. Speaking up in Church is just plain bad, and women ought to ask their husband’s guidance in everything. You may find it ironic that she delivered these instructions on a Church podium, but I must remind you that she is an evangelist, not a pastor. What difference does this make? Read the first paragraph of this piece again. 

There are, of course, other things single women must remember as they wait to be picked. One, allowing menstrual pain to affect their mood is a sign of demonic possession and an unpeaceful character. Amen to Apostle Femi Lazarus of Light Nation Church for this message. Secondly, Pastor Emmanuel Iren of Celebration Church reminded women that they instinctively desire leadership and must be prepared to submit to their husbands in everything. This is why Evangelist Ebuka Obi of the Zion Prayer Movement waves off a married woman’s idea that her husband repeatedly rapes her; because where there is true authority and ownership, what need does one have for consent? Gladly, this derision was made into a TikTok sound, so it is easy to remember. Failure to adhere to these will truncate a woman’s marriage hustle and, by extension, a man’s marriage hustle. The Nigerian God will not let this happen to his fellow men. He remains up and active. 

The Nigerian God has been very busy, and only his ministers know what he will do next. Elections are a bit away, so we cannot expect him to be a politician yet, but whatever it is, if we hold on to John’s guide, it will be easy to spot him when he does. Till then, may the Nigerian God bless your hustle⎈