Grieving From a Distance A Transatlantic Memorial for My Grandfather

‘The sun is shining way too bright’, I think, shaking my head as I leave E’Shee Nail Spa. I’ve spent the past hour getting a mani-pedi. It is a Sunday afternoon in February, just a week after the Texas ‘snowpocalypse’, and the widespread inches of freezing slush from days ago have all but vanished. I look at my watch and decide I will have to join the family Zoom meeting from my car. I’ll end up late if I try to head home, and no restaurant in the strip mall looks appropriate for taking a video call that might end in tears. After several frosty days and nights without power or water, I’m looking forward to seeing the faces of my extended family in Nigeria and abroad. The absurdity of a dazzling clear sky just days after a record-breaking winter storm mirrors my conflicted feelings. My family gathering is to plan a ‘Celebration of Life’ for our grandfather, who passed away from COVID-19 on January 18.

Participating in funeral planning and ceremonies from six thousand miles away is uniquely mind-bending; such is a key tragedy of the COVID-19 pandemic. Beyond claiming four million lives globally (two thousand of whom are Nigerian) as I write this, the separation the pandemic foists on millions of ailing and bereaved people at the very time they need to be with loved ones the most, is insult to injury. As I dial into the first of many Zoom calls for my grandpa, I wrestle with the cruel irony of being apart from my family. Slowly, a question invades my already fraught mind: is the physical distance I am experiencing in my grandfather’s illness and death reflective of our relationship?...