The Lamentations of a LinkedIn Hater

The trouble with LinkedIn is that nothing, even the empathy on rampant display, feels remotely human.

On the pseudo-positive streets of LinkedIn, everyone but me is either gainfully employed, self-employed, or volunteering to change the world. Each scroll through my feed is littered with motivational tales of triumph or backhanded insults to my lack of passion and drive marketed as sincere instructional advice.

I hate it here. But somehow, the corporate world has unanimously agreed in their coven of capitalism that ‘here’, LinkedIn, is where I have to be as an unemployed unfortunate soul. Here is my home for the duration it takes me to fraudulently finesse my way into a job with inflated resume qualifications suggested to me by an algorithm that claims to care but is more concerned with data collation and insists on fuelling my overinflated sense of self-worth...