7 Books That Will Make You Think Twice Before Dating Men | The Republic
7 Books That Will Make You Think Twice Before Dating Men
In our latest book recommendation, we have compiled a list of seven books that will make you think twice before dating men. The books on this list will show different ways men can turn on women and hopefully prepare you for a romantic relationship with men.
We live in a world designed to provide primarily for men and make excuses for their shortcomings. This is what empowers most men to behave recklessly, stomping through the world not minding who they hurt. Often, it is the women in their lives—especially their romantic partners—that are affected by their recklessness. This realization is what led to the rise of political lesbianism in 1960s: a movement in which women decided they would rather be romantically involved with other women than face misogyny from their male partners.
In our latest book recommendation, we have compiled a list of seven books that will make you think twice before dating men. From the story of a man who suddenly abandons his family to a coming-of-age story about a woman’s struggle against oppressive social and political structures, the books on this list will show different ways men can turn on women and hopefully prepare you for a romantic relationship with men.
In internationally acclaimed novelist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s latest novel, Dream Count, men are the problem. Dream Count follows the story of four women, Chiamaka, Zikora, Omelogor and Kadiatou. But more than simply detailing their lives, Adichie shows us what men do to them and what they do to themselves because of men. Take Chiamaka, for example: a travel writer from a wealthy family, she has always longed for a perfect romantic partner. As she puts it, she has always ‘longed to be known, truly known, by another human being’. But none of the men she meets quite fits the picture. There is the supercilious academic Darnell, who constantly disrespects her; the charming Chuka who would be perfect but for his traditional believes about gender; and the Englishman, a married man for whom the relationship with Chiamaka is an illicit affair.
Other men do terrible things to the other women in the book, too. Like Zikora, whose partner Kwame abandons her the moment she gets pregnant; and Kadiatou, Chiamaka’s Guinean maid, who experiences terrible violence from the hands of an incredibly powerful man.
But more than simply painting these women as victims, Adichie shows us how these women survive and heal and find support in each other.
DAUGHTER IN EXILE AUTHOR: BISI ADJAPON GENRE: FICTION
21-year-old Lola has a good life in Senegal. She loves her job, her apartment and her social life. The future really looks bright! That is, until she meets Armand, an American Marine at the US Embassy. Even though her mother disapproves of Armand, Lola can’t help falling in love with him. They both dream of being wealth and living together forever, so they make plans to buy illegally mined gold from Ghana to sell in Europe. But just then, Armand is deployed to Barbados. He wires Lola $2000 to continue their plan, but she is soon swindled out of the money.
Upon learning that she is pregnant, Lola decides to move to America, reassured by Armand that his friend will take care of her until he returns. And so, against her mother’s wishes, she leaves her job and her life in Senegal to pursue a new life with Armand in America. But life in America is not what she imagined at all. She quickly realizes that Armand’s friend has no idea about Armand’s plans; and, having now discovered that she lost the $2000, Armand abandons a pregnant Lola.
Broke and alone, Lola struggles to make a life for herself in America. Soon, her visa expires but she continues to stay on in the country as an illegal immigrant. This further complicates her life, as she struggles to find work.
Daughter in Exile is acclaimed author Bisi Adjapon’s ‘gut-wrenching, yet heartwarming, story about a young Ghanaian woman’s struggle to make a life in the US.’
EVERYTHING GOOD WILL COME AUTHOR: SEFI ATTA GENRE: FICTION
This coming-of-age novel opens in Lagos in the 1970s, where Enitan grows up in a middle-class, patriarchal household. Her early friendship with Sheri, a bold and unconventional girl, shapes her understanding of gender roles and societal expectations. As they mature, their paths diverge—Sheri faces trauma caused by men, while Enitan pursues education abroad and gradually becomes more politically aware. But not even Enitan, with her degree from a UK university, can escape the rampage of men. Upon returning to Nigeria, she soon falls in love and marries a divorced man, Niyi Franco. All is well until Niyi begins to expect Enitan to submit to his increasing demands. Things get even worse when Enitan is unable to get pregnant.
She does eventually get pregnant, but by then, things have gotten much worse between Niyi and her. When Enitan joins a group of women fighting against the government, Niyi criticizes her, demanding that she stay at home busying herself with ‘women-like’ tasks. This eventually leads to their separation.
SO LONG A LETTER AUTHOR: MARIAMA BÂ GENRE: FICTION
Mariama Bâ’s feminist classic, So Long a Letter, is a powerful novel that unfolds as a long letter written by Ramatoulaye, a recently widowed schoolteacher, to her best friend Aissatou. In the letter, Ramatoulaye reflects on her life, marriage, and the challenges she faced as a woman in a patriarchal society. She recounts her husband Modou’s betrayal when he took a much younger second wife without her knowledge, and how she chose to stay in the marriage for the sake of her children.
Through Ramatoulaye’s introspection, the novel examines the roles of women, the complexities of polygamy and the struggle between tradition and modernity. In contrast, Aissatou had left her husband when he also took another wife, choosing independence over societal expectations. Ramatoulaye’s narrative reveals both sorrow and resilience as she ultimately reclaims her sense of self and affirms her belief in women’s agency and dignity.
Early one morning in 1899, an Englishman, Pearce, is saved from death by a local shopkeeper, Hassanali, in a small town in Kenya. When Pearce comes to in Hassanali’s house and meets Hassanali’s sister Rehana, he immediately falls in love with her.
Rehana has not had a good experience with men. Many years ago, her traveller husband abandoned her, failing to return from a journey, so Rehana spends most of her time with her brother and his wife. That is, until she falls in love with Pearce and elopes with him, a scandal that will mark the family for generations, especially since, after a while, Pearce, too, abandons her and returns to England.
Fifty years later, Jamila, the granddaughter of Rehana and Pearce, falls in love with Amin, a serious, brilliant young man. By this time, Rehana’s scandal has caused the family to be all but ostracized. Regardless of this, and even though Jamila is a divorced woman, she and Amin start a secret relationship. Just like with Rehana and Pearce, Jamila and Amin’s relationship is a scandal, and when Amin’s parents find out, they force their son to abandon Jamila.
Desertion is Tanzanian-born Nobel laureate Abdulrazak Gurnah’s poignant take on abandonment, forbidden love, and the personal and political consequences of colonialism.
GOD'S CHILDREN ARE LITTLE BROKEN THINGS AUTHOR: ARINZE IFEAKANDU GENRE: FICTION
Published in 2022, God’s Children Are Little Broken Things is proof that even gay men have it hard with men. Although most of the nine stories that make up this collection feature genuine love between men who truly care about them, in a few stories, some men still manage to validate the sentiment that men are scum.
Take Chief in ‘The Dreamer’s Litany’, for example. A wealthy Igbo businessman, he initiates a relationship with Auwal, a married shopkeeper. Auwal is a soft, gentle soul who, though initially reluctant to accept Chief’s advances, eventually gives in, having been in hiding for most of his life. Auwal wants something more from Chief and is distraught to find out that he is merely a sex object to the man.
There is also Ibrahim in ‘Alobam’. Ibrahim and Ralu were lovers when they were young, but now, many years later, he has become a different person. Now tattooed and ripped, he sexually assaults Ralu, who doesn’t understand why he always goes back to his violent ex even though he is in a healthy relationship.
By featuring men like Chief and Ibrahim, Ifeakandu makes the bold statement that, just as in heterosexual relationships, dating men can be a harrowing experience.
GHANA MUST GO AUTHOR: TAIYE SELASI GENRE: FICTION
Multi-local author Taiye Selasi’s debut novel, Ghana Must Go, is proof that a man can switch up on you even after many years of marriage. That is exactly what renowned Ghanaian surgeon Kweku Sai does one day, when he suddenly abandons his wife, the elegant Folasade Sai, in the United States with their four children.
The story is brought together by Kweku’s sudden death, many years later, in his picturesque courtyard garden where he suddenly slumps one early morning. By this time, he has moved back to Ghana and now lives in Accra with a local woman he married but doesn’t truly love.
Following Kweku’s death, the family, now scattered all over the world, must reunite to journey all the way to Ghana to bury their husband and father. But it is not only a physical journey: Kweku’s abandonment has fractured the family and left rifts in the hearts of its members. The oldest son, intense Olu, has become a medical doctor like the father whose shadow he is perpetually trying to escape; the twins, Taiye and Kehinde are beautiful but broken, forever marked by a terrible experience they never speak about; and the last child Sadie, ‘the baby’, who has never known her father, is unsure about so much—most especially herself—and fears she will never find a place for herself in the world.
Written in elegant lyrical prose and masterfully told, Ghana Must Go has been described as ‘a testament to the transformative power of unconditional love’⎈
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